


My last "I love you"

by Hya_Mei



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Play, Angst, Anxiety, Best Friends, Blood, Cuts, Dead Oikawa, Death, Depression, Do You Love Me?, Eventual Smut, Everyone Is Alive, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hate, Hate Sex, Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Not Happy, Romance, Sad, Sad Ending, Siblings, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, gone wrong, major angst, r14, scared Iwaizumi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 05:54:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26468287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hya_Mei/pseuds/Hya_Mei
Summary: *Main ship: IwaOi*"What do you want shittykawa?""I just wanted to say I love you!""Fuck you too."Oikawa looked up and down from head to toes of his Iwa-chanHe's not Iwa-chan anymore, it's just Iwaizumi HajimeScrolling some of his old photo's.'Hanging out with Iwa-Chan!'Oikawa sat on the grass with his hair blown by the wind.He cires.
Relationships: Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56





	1. Memories are haunting me.

**Author's Note:**

> Story starts off with childhood.

"Hey Iwa-chan!"

"Hello Kawa-San!"

The time they were in middle school.

At the end of my junior year, I see the guy I love so much. He was my light, my world, my life, He was my world, Iwaizumi Hajime. I would love to come and have a play date with him. We were the best friends of all time, we would stick together forever. _That's what Iwaizumi and Oikawa though._

Iwaizumi, my best friend ever since childhood. I love him, he meant more then my life, I would do anything to make him happy. Even if it meant to sacrifice my life for. In junior high, he confessed to me. It was going well for about 1 1/2 year. during my 2nd year, he started making fun of me. I took it the 'Hes just joking' way, hes been doing this for more then a year now, I took it to heart not too long ago. But what can I do, I can't live without him, I NEED him. Right now, standing across the net is a powerhouse team. A team we can't defeat alone, Ushijima Wakatoshi. He has been trying to get me to go to Shratorizawa, but the jersey is kinda ugly so I refused.

And ever since then, Iwa-chan has been cold heart-ed. I love Iwa-Chan but I can't take it anymore, I don't want to be in this relationship anymore! It hurts, it really does! My is heart panicking, its in so much pain... But I love him.... _way too much._ He's been hurting my heart without knowing it, so I keep a fake smile on everyday. Sadness became an addiction of mines, Cuts, bruises, Makeup that covers them. What did I do to deserve this? I just wanted Iwa-Chan, No, Hajime to be happy. If I do so get in the way, he won't be happy. What should I do?

My heart is beating faster and faster every time I think of Iwaizumi. Not in a romantic way like it used to though, in a horrified way. I can't breath....

"Hey Oikawa Tooru, I very much love you. I hope you feel the same way." 

"I like you too Iwa-Chan!"

Now remembering when Hajime confessing to me in Junior high, sounded fake. It sounded like he planned to whole thing, does he really love me? I hope he doesn't but I also hope so too.

The way he treats me isn't like Iwa-Chan, its just Iwaizumi. I would feel hurt if he said he'd love me. Who would treat someone like trash but loves the person they treat like absolute Trash? That's not the only thing, I also want him to love me. I know, its selfish. But why would you ask someone to date them if your gonna treat them like garbage? Exactly. There is no reason.

My heart is sinking into the the all blue sea, its deep inside. Its into a million pieces, my palms are itchy, my heart aches, I wanna cry and let it take over my body.

_*Ring*_

_*Ring*_

_*Ring*_

_The alarm went of._

Time to put my fake face on. :)

"Iwa-Chan!" 

"What do you want shittykawa?!?"

Hearing this makes me want to puke, it hurts.

"I love you!"

"Fuck you too."

It pains my heart but I'm still over here smiling like an idiot, I want to throw up but I have to keep my face on.

"Awwe is my Iwa-Chan a tsundere??"

I cling onto him

"Get off of me!"

He pushes me away with the coldest face. I wanted to cry to my hearts content.

 ~~_"Iwa-Cha-,_ ~~ _Hajime..."_

"What was that trashykawa?!?"

"Oh its nothing! :P"

After our practice match with date tech, Iwaizumi called for me.

"Come over at 4pm"

"Okay Iwa-chan~, What are we doing?"

"Studying"

"Oh!, I was hoping on watching Yakusoku no Neverland with you!"

"No."

"Fine, honestly your so boring Iwa-Chan!"

"CAN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW?!"

"Okayyy Iwa-Chan~"

I'm hurt. Pretending everything is painful.

**[Oikawa] :** Hey suga-san

**[Sugawara] :** Hey Oikawa, its happening again. Isn't it?

**[Oikawa] :** Yes it is, and its painful.

**[Sugawara] :** Tell you what, Lets hang out on the weekends to make you feel better. Lets also watch The promised Neverland!

**[Oikawa] :** Alright Suga-San! :D

**[Sugawara] :** Anything for my best friend! Anyways, Daichi is calling me while trying to handle out 10 problematic kids. Bye!

**[Oikawa] :** Oh, alright!. See you next week! bye!

**[Sugawara] :** See you next week! bye!

_I wish I could be happy like Suga-San._

Would you look at the time? Its 3:45, I better get going. 

Once I arrived at Hajime's place I felt that something was wrong. The atmosphere was scary, I went up to Hajime's room. He looked scarier then usual. He looked as I enter his room, He looked at me the same way he did when he pushed my off. I'm really scared but I played it off.

"Whats wrong Iwa-Chan?"

"Your late."

"But I came here earlier then usual, why are you angry"

"SHUT UP AND STOP PLAYING"

Hajime pinned me down.

"Horny assed bitch."

I was so confused with what he meant by that.

He started to suck my neck and I had to go with the flow, He slowly un-buttoned my shirt and putting hickeys on my collar bone. This has happened so many times before, its scary to be in this position. Hajime was playing and toying around with my nipples and Penis. I tried to hold back my moans because I don't wanna seem like a loser. After he does this, its always the same when I come to his house. He plays with me then kicks me out of his house. Of course there are no picture of us in his room like 2 years ago. Its so different. I miss those days.

I want to escape this relationship, but I can't. If I separated from him, I would cry for the rest of my life. 

As when were almost done, I knew the drill. I had to get out before he starts yelling.

"Where are you going?!?"

"I was going back home.."

"We didn't even study yet. Get your ass back here."

"Aww someone wants me? Iwa-Chan you so cute!"

"Shut up!"

"Okay~"

We start to study, after a little bit of writing down some stuff I got up to go to the bathroom to think properly. When my palms are itchy, I feel like crying. Yup, my palms were really itchy. I took a 5 minute break in the bathroom to calm myself down from almost crying. Not even a second when I came out of the bathroom, Hajime pinned me down again, are we going for another round?

"Please let go Iwa-Cha- Aghhh~"

"Did you take care of yourself while you were in the bathroom?"

"N-nahN-no Let g-go o-of meE~"

Hajime started to kiss me and unbuttoning my shirt all over again. Hajime moved us near the bed, this is gonna be a long time.... Before I knew it he was sucking on my penis and playing with my wet nipples. He made hickeys on my neck, leg and literally everywhere on my body. He took out his ?Huge? Cock, WHOA IT GREW. I remember when we were younger we would always have baths together and his dick grew too. I stood over there in a shocked face. 

"Suck it."

"You expect me to put that all in my mouth- hM!"

"FUCKING LISTEN!"

It was all in my mouth. I don't know how but it was all the way in my mouth. I started to chock and started crying. _This is scary.._. It hurts, my throat and my jaws. This is scary, I never wanted my first to be like this. I've always wanted to take it slow in the relationship he's been in. This was his first time, he described it scary just by the face. Hajime took his cock out of my mouth and then kissed me on the lips really harshly. A scream was cried when there were 2 fingers up my asshole; I never wanted my first to be so scary and a person I was scared of.... Hajime... 

While I wasn't feeling anything, no emotion. Hajime realized that fact too, so he put his huge cock in my hole without me noticing tho. 

"AGHHH ha..Ha-ahh~ T-TAK-ke IY OUHHHUHT~"

I cried. Not because it hurts. Because it was my first.

Iwa-Chan.. where are you??

_**I really do love him.** _

* * *

Yahoooo~~~

Goodbye for now, FOR NOW.


	2. Lost of love

"I-Iwa-Chan! t-take it out!"

He took my first...

"Your clearly enjoying yourself here. Why should I stop?"

Hajime smirked. Its not like I had another option other then doing what he was doing to me. I cried. So hard. 

After my loss, he kicked me out of his house. Like always.

I went back home and wrote everything I had planned down. I wrote 8 letters. 1 for the bystanders, 2 for his parents, 1 for his relatives, 1 for Shiratorizawa, 1 for Sugawara, 1 for Aobo Jousai, and not the least most important, One for Iwazumi Hajime. 

_Oikawa Tooru: 5-30-****_

_Our 97 days of gold. Help me change my mind about my future death, I want Iwa-Chan back. If I don't get him back in 97 days I'll happily try to kill myself, try to change my mind._

_To: Future Iwazumi to read_

_From: Oikawa Tooru_

**[Chibi-Chan] :** Great king!!

**[Oikawa] :** Hey Chibi-chan

**[Chibi-Chan] :** Sugamama asked me to tell you to come over at his sleepover

**[Oikawa] :** You want me?

**[Chibi-Chan] :** YEAHHH!!

**[Oikawa] :** Alright!, I'll hang out with you guys :P! See you at Sugawara's house! byeeebye!

**[Chibi-Chan] :** Bye great king!

***Notification! From Iwa-Chan <3 :P***

Fuck, I forgot to change his name...

**Iwa ~~zumi~~**

No....

**Hajime.**

I checked the notification.

**[Hajime.] :** Shittykawa.

**[Oikawa] :** Yes Iwa-chan?

**[Hajime] :** I just wanted to say,

Is he gonna say I love you?

**[Hajime.] :** Fuck you.

... What had I expect, I left him unread and blocked him.

Can you not do this to me? I'm already in so much pain because of you, I ~~almost~~ wish I was never in loved with you. I want Iwa-Chan back, I want to go back. God please tell me why he hates me so much?? What happened? Why did he switch?? Were is Iwa-Chan?

**Iwaizumi POV**

**[Yahaba]** **:** Lets go get our tarot!

**[Iwaizumi] :** sure, but I don't believe in that shit

**[Yahaba] :** Be careful of what you say and do!, Your fate will be your downfall, Baka Baka~

**[Iwaizumi] :** Shut up!, don't say that. It reminds me of trashykawa!. Alright lets go read our tarot tomorrow.

**[Yahaba] :** Alrightttt...But why are you so cold to captain?

**[Iwaizumi] :** Because he annoys the hell out of me.

**[Yahaba] :** Then why are you dating him? The things you say might sound like a joke you you and both him, but when it gets too old he WILL take the things you say to heart!.

**[Iwaizumi] :** Please stop talking about him, I only dated him just to be funny. Didn't know he would be so annoying and clingy, and that the fact that he likes me. I'm going to break up with him in about a month just to see his reaction

_Seen by Yahaba_

*Yahaba is now ofline* 

Who even takes things by heart. I put my phone down and then I looked around my room, it looks plain. It looked alright when I was younger, but my room isn't like that anymore, Picture with my family, posters of my favorite volleyball teams and players. But not a single one had a picture of Oikawa. That bitch, he blocked me after Our last message and left me on read. 

_Iwa-Chan!_

I smile after hearing that in my mind, I remember our old times together. Oikawa-San looked really happy when I confessed my love for him, I was also happy. Whenever he's call my name.

_5-31-****_

It about time we would read our tarots, there was an old lady with a crystal ball that's probably fake, she had a dark cloak on, with a stack of cards.

"Chose 3 card to determine you fate, sir Yahaba"

While Yahaba was choosing cards, I look away to the right. Standing at about a few people away from me, I see Oikawa, with Sugawara, Kageyama, Kenma, Akaashi and the other setters. I don't think Oikawa has noticed me yet, but I guess I'd make fun of him for believing in the tarots. I look back at Yahaba and the old hag, she looked very pleased with

" Death, Wheel of fortune and Temperance. You will have a wish to kill yourself because of all works that people put on you and witch causes you to feel like dying. Wheel of fortune, you wish to just live a wealthy lifestyle and having work, but not too much work to be pressured with. Temperance, everything turns out fine and you'll live a long life"

"YESSS!!, but you should chose"

"Alright"

After I picked out my cards, the old lady horrified. She was looking at me seriously, "Be careful"

"You got the fool, the devil and the hermit"

"Okay? What does it mean?"

"The fool, you have done many stupid things in your life. You did this one stupid thing in your life that you regret, and caused harm for people. The Devil, its after you for taking something that's special from someone, most likely you hurt someone who meant the world to you. The hermit, it haunts old memories that will leave you sad, you sink into the loneliness"

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?!?" 

"You took a life without knowing" Then the old lady tells me to come back on August the 5th. But why? Its about a day till June, so why so late?

* * *

Yahooo~ See y'all next time!


	3. Friends or Foe?

**Oikawa POV**

I was packing my stuff to have a sleepover with Hinata and the Pretty setters, I get a notification by Suga-San.

**[Sugawara] :** What time are you coming?

**[Oikawa] :** Yeah, just give me an hour to get to your house.

**[Sugawara] :** Alright, if anything is troubling you, you can talk to me. Bye

**[Oikawa] :** Byee! 

As I got there, Kageyama opened the door for me.

"Come in"

"Thank you, where is Suga-San?"

"Up stairs, he's waiting for you"

"Thank you tobio-channn~"

"Also I heard about the problem with you and Iwaizumi-San"

....."Ah, don't worry about me!" Tobio's face looked worried, and I'm glad. At least I have my friends with me :).

"Okay," Kageyama had a soft smile on his face.

As I walked upstairs I heard cries, Atsumu's cries most certainly. As I walked into the room I see Atsumu's phone ringing like crazy from Sakusa? and I see Atsumu crying like he was about to throw up, Kenma trying to comfort him, Suga-San panicking, Shirabu calling Osamu, Kageyama getting water, Akaashi trying to help him, Hinata cooking for him and Semi texting Sakusa about how he should be better. I took my bag off and then went running to Atsumu, I hugged him worriedly. 

"It's going to be alright Atsumu!..." My tone was on worried. Suga-san looked at me, "Oikawa..." he said in shock. While I almost burst into tears.

"Oikawa-San!, S-Sakusa said-!" He was hiccuping, crying really loudly and in a panic. 

"You don't have to tell me...... Its going to be alright.." I comfort Atsumu and stayed with him for a while.

While the rest were upstairs, Me, Hinata and Atsumu were downstairs talking about how to cook rolled omelette, Yes we can't cook. 

"Put the egg in the bowl, then stir it up" 

"EASY!" "Mix mix mix mix~" Hinata was mixing, I don't think that's safe though, Hinata is getting the egg everywhere, "Hinata! MY KITCHEN!" Suga-San was so terrified of what Hinata did to his kitchen. "cleAN It uP RIgHt nOW!" As Suga-San laughs as he said that. While cleaning, I realized that I got a phone call from...Hajime...

**On Call**

_Hey Iwa-chan!_

_Shut up, trashykawa._

_So you needed me?_

_No._

_? Then why did you call?_

_Shut up!, Don't question anything._

Atsumu's face gestured, _Is that Iwaizumi?_

I look back at Atsumu, _Yes it is..._

_SHITTYKAWA DID YOU EVEN HEAR WHAT I SAID?!?!_

_Yeah.. Anyways got to go Haj-Iwa-Chan~_

_Wait-what! HEY! Oikaw-_

_I hung up on him :)_

"Atsumu.... I don't know what he said?? Am I going to get beaten up again?? What if I don't know what he said?? What if!-"

"Oikawa-San calm down!"

"Honestly, I feel bad for you 'cause you have to put up with me..."

"Oikawa-San! Don't say that!, You have done so much for me!"

"Thanks Atsumu..."

Me and Atsumu went back upstairs, 

"Hey! Tomorrow we are going to the tarot, Do you guys wanna come?"

"YEAH" Atsumu and said at the same time.

I get a notification, it probably from Hajime. As I open my phone, I wanted to close it immediately but Atsumu-San and Chibi-Chan were complaining about it. 

**[Farm boy] :** You should have came to Shiratorizawa. 

**[Farm boy] :** You should have came to Shiratorizawa. 

**[Farm boy] :** You should have came to Shiratorizawa. 

**[Farm boy] :** You should have came to Shiratorizawa. 

**[Oikawa] :** Ushijima, I'm not felling my best right now. Please stop bothering me.

**[Farm boy] :** No, not until you come to Shiratorizawa.

**[Oikawa] :** You've told me this so many time, but since I don't even wanna face Hajime I guess I'll consider joining.

**[Farm boy] :** Really? But it must be serious if your calling him Hajime.

**[Oikawa] :** You think? Anyways I have too go to sleep. Goodnight.

**[Farm boy] :** Goodnight.

Not even Hajime tell me goodnight, at least I had a friend other then Hajime when I was younger. Yes, it was Ushijima.

* * *

Sorry its short.


	4. Survival!

**Oikawa's POV**

I woke up to some notification, not from my device but Atsumu's. 

_4 Missed calls from OMI-OMI!!_

_74 Unread messages from OMI-OMI!!_

I was wondering if I should pick it up or just leave it. It got really annoying 'cause the notifications are such a bothersome. Everyone in the room is a heavy sleeper, I'll just go to the bathroom because I need to brush my hair. At 4:AM 'cause I need my hair to be P e r f e c t !!. I went to the bathroom just to remember that Suga-San had the same kind of soap as the one at Hajime's. I also remember that I lost my virginity after I stayed in a bathroom for 5 minutes.

As I got back I see that Atsumu has awoken by the notifications he's getting. 

_21 Missed calls from OMI-OMI!!_

_162 unread messages from OMI-OMI!!_

**Atsumu's POV**

I awoken to the sound of notifications from my phone, I checked and got it from the person I least expected it from. 

"Oh, its from Sakusa..."

I heard footsteps coming upstairs as the door creaked opened, it was Oikawa-San!.

"Took you long enough to wake up, y'all are heavy sleepers"

"Sorry Oikawa-san if the notifications bugged you-!"

"Its alright, I guess"

"Can you like, mute your phone??"

"AHHHHHA" Me and Oikawa-San screamed.

"What are you? Girls?? Y'all are L o u d as fuck"

"Oh, Shirabu... its just you"

Never though that shirabu would look so scary in the dark. I think we woke everyone up.... hehe.

Its now 7 in the morning!, today we were going to read our tarots. Suga-San was making Bacon and Eggs and it smells so good.

As we went to the place to read our tarots, I see an old women with a purple fabric kimono with here hair tied and some cards to read our trots and a Crystal ball?? Do those thing even work? We sat down to wait till one of the spaces weren't occupied. Chibi-chan and Kageyama went to go read there tarots first, after a little while they came back with happy news. Me and Atsumu were about to go until I saw Iwa-Chan, I shouldn't make eye contact with him just so he makes sure that I don't know he's here.

"Chose 3 cards."

Atsumu went first and chose 3 card.

"The hermit, Death and Judgment" Just by the names of those card, you know something bad is going to happen.

"The hermit, You may be feeling lonely at this time or going through a period of introspection. If you are struggling to find answers to your questions give it time, they will come. This is a time for prudence and patience.If you have been unwell this is a time for rest and recuperation. Death,This is a period of anxiety, depression and fear with all the turmoil and distressing events happening in your life.It's time to show what you are made of.What has now come to an end leaves room for brand new beginnings in life, love and career. However radical events may be in your life, believe that life goes on and life is what you make of it. Judgement, A time for taking stock, an end to an era or phase of your life and brand new opportunities appearing.An opportunity will present itself that must not be ignored and it could have far-reaching implications, changing your life for the better. You will enjoy success and enjoyment for past efforts, events will pick up a pace and the outcome will be quicker than expected. Congratulation sir, you survive something really traumatic."

"Oikawa-san... I'll be happy!!" Atsumu smiled so widely and it was so wholesome, he stated crying not in the bad way, in the good way.

"Now, pretty boy its your turn!" 

Alright I chose the one in the middle and the other two on edge, "The lovers, The fool and Death." Then the old lady took a look at the crystal ball as her face was in terror.

"The lovers, Someone's heart is ruling their head! You are so afraid of being hurt you are remaining paralyzed in non-action.To have or not to have? To stay or to go? Throw caution to the wind - great happiness awaits you if you can trust what you feel and ignore the fear and do it anyway. The fool, You were too trusting and caring that you don't even think about yourself. The Fool in this position suggests that what you most want at this time is just to be happy, and you are searching for the one thing that will bring happiness.You desire a new start but feel unsure of what you want or where you want to go.Romantically you may have mixed feelings about someone - part of you wants to enter the relationship wholeheartedly, part of you wants to hold back. So if you are in a relationship that empowers you then stay - if not it is time to move on. Death, A time of absolute endings and brand new beginnings, your life is going through a period of great transformation.Whilst change may be difficult, or even painful, you will pull through.You will be free for a brand new phase in your life. I'm sorry sir"

* * *

heehhe sorry for not uploading earlier! :P 

**Author's Note:**

> Its not a happy ending.


End file.
